Advice Not Given: A Guide to Getting Over Yourself

I think this book is easy to understand. Even if you are not a practitioner or fan of Buddhism, Meditation, psychology, Western therapy, I think this book bridges a lot of gaps for a beginner like me. Just as meditation can be learned, and deepened with practice, I think this book has ideas that are helpful for many, even for various low or high levels of experience. Learning from a higher level just might be possible with this book.The idea for the title of the book is I think reinforced right away by the author writing about such discoveries as his learning through trial and error, how to plant seeds/ideas with patients, and that he does not need to force something on a someone when it isn't perhaps the right time to do so. I'm sure the author reinforced this notion many times over throughout the book.For me, the notion of Buddhism and meditation has always been favorable in my mind. I am somewhat familiar with the concepts (even learning as I read), and my deceased high school chum made it a point to have her husband mention her practice in the eulogy. Very unusual. This says a whole lot because I respect her.I like simple truths better than long-winded analyses, and I do not seek them enough. For example, for awhile I followed words the Dalai Lama has said. This book offers some of this sort of simplicity, with the different chosen practices converging together in every chapter. Often, when I am reading about some esoteric ideas an author will appear to simply repeat the same stuff over and over, nothing much really happening. Like fluff. Or the point is never backed up by actual demonstration. This book often spoke to me on a level where I can see the change in someone, and I believed it was for real. Also, even though I didn't always understand the references to Buddha, and others, I am impressed how this was also woven into the chapters.Intro - Preparing to talk of the Eightfold Path, which includes the following:The Right ViewThe Right MotivationThe Right SpeechThe Right ActionThe Right LivelihoodThe Right EffortThe Right MindfulnessThe Right Concentration.Epilogue - Very nice personal note from the author's heart."Right" is explained differently than what I expected. Maybe there is a word or two, but I can't think of any; there were so many different ways this author, Mark Epstein M.D., has found to explain the Eightfold path, and it's parts.I have been under a lot of stress because of the holidays, and when the author talks about Meditation I didn't feel too bad that I couldn't do it. He explains that he doesn't want patients to have yet another thing they will feel bad about. So in his practice of Psychiatry he broaches carefully the introduction of any idea, including Buddhism, or meditation.Personally, I need to exercise before I can actually meditate, and I have never had an enlightened moment caused by actually trying to sit and just do it. I will have these moments though in ways that surprise me. Usually, this involves some form of inspiration that comes to me, and I somehow know it just might be good enough to go with. If it isn't the right time I learn and move on. I am always moving, and it is quite impossible for me to intentionally quiet my mind. Still I got a lot about this book because of the wisdom, East meeting west, Buddhism meeting Western therapy!I always appreciate good books, and this can be read in order or not; sand yet the author intentionally put this book together this way for a reason as he points out toward the end of the book about Right Concentration.I appreciated the personal stories, and the many examples of others he has interacted with (teachers, practitioners, doctors, colleagues, peers, those he admires. It all ties in with what the author wants to say.The author was very young to have embarked on his journey to become the professional he is today.There was one example of a media guy who had anxiety attacks, and he caught on really fast to these ideas. I only wish it could happen like that for me. But most of the examples were very descriptive, and well-represented indeed.I love it. Enjoy.

I've really enjoyed this book. I've been interested in meditation and Buddhism for a while now and I feel like this book was the perfect combination, while drawing it close to real life.Mark has such a simple style that is able to deliver powerful messages. He also manages to draw on multiple real life examples and old stories to drive the point further.He helped explain a few things about concentration and mindfulness that felt very vague to me before. And I've enjoyed how he assures you that even him, after so many years, still struggles with things and it's about continuing the practice. It makes it attainable on a way.I would also read it again in a while, just to remember some important points about the true essence of letting go. It's also a short read.

i have read several books on Buddhism. I borrowed Advice not Given from the library , read it, then decided to buy it. I like that he gives personal examples from his life, makes the point more clear. Sometimes with books written from a traditional Buddhist point of view, its hard to understand the point from a western point of view without being immersed in the culture. Somethings seem to get lost in translation.

Advice not given: a guide to getting over yourself by Mark Epstein reviewed by Jerry WoolpyMark is Jewish with a lot of experience with the philosophy of Buddhism and meditation and he is a practicing analytic psychiatrist. What makes the book readable is that with all that philosophical orientation, Freud, Buddha, and many of their devotees, he is a straight forward and clear demystifier. Being psychoanalytic, it is not surprising that he is ego centered and devoted to the unconscious. Don’t get rid of the ego, because it is essential to effective living, but don’t let it dominate you. Above all do not try to suppress what is bothering you even if you don’t know what it is. Try to recognize it, understand it, and live with it. The book takes on the eight precepts of Buddhism, one chapter at a time, showing how each can be useful in patient therapy. The precepts are: Right View, Right Motivation, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration. In marked contrast to 613 mitzvot Moses brought down from Sinai, which speak to external behaviors to help us get along with each other, Buddha’s Rights are internal ways to cope with an ever-changing universe, and like Moses’, to get along with the vicissitudes.Jerry Woolpy <[email protected]> or [email protected]

It's rare to find an author who bridges the gap between committed Buddhist practice and an inquisitive, deep understanding of Western psychoanalytic practice. I have really benefitted from his books. So many times, the depth of Eastern traditions get watered down in an attempt to "explain" them to a Western audience. Epstein does not do this but, instead, opens the conversation with some of the most helpful aspects of Western approaches to one's particular incarnational "stuff": identity, working with emotions, childhood traumas and how they affect our practice, etc. Just saying that anger is one of the 3 poisons may be true but it's not all that helpful in discovering WHY the emotion keeps coming up. When both approaches are used in tandem, alot more clarity can arise. I've known many, many "highly realized beings" who could have probably used a little therapy to deal with their all too human issues just as not taking life so personally can help when you're rolling around in your own problems.

If you like pretense and imaginary perfection, don't read this book. If you like humility and authenticity, you may find this to be one of the best books about Buddhism and psychotherapy that you will ever read. I felt very touched by many of the anecdotes shared in this book. It's notable that Mark wrote this book as he found himself approaching old age, a time when impermanence starts to become very real.

Excelente!

This book answered my quest that eastern Buddhist practices does have a place in western psychotherapy theories. Dr. Epstein was straightforward in his "advice". Dr. Epstein's insight in the Eightfold Path refined my understanding of the Buddha's teachings, and that is, life will continue to challenge us but we have the tools to cope. How we manage them, pivot from them, refocus on our goal to be content is the work in living out our lives. The saying - "Life is what we make of it", is more true than ever. Highly recommend this book to my fellow human beings. The road to contentment is achievable.

A good clear writer, drawing on both a life time of Buddhist practice and many years as a psychotherapist. Compassionate, easy to understand and powerful.

I like it - easy to read and insightful. A little teeny bit name droppy at times....but i can forgive that.

Very well written. Makes meditation easier to access and improve.