Fair Play: Reese's Book Club: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)

I'm not a Reese Witherspoon book club member. I'm a working mother and wife (I found Fair Play through a recent finance podcast). Two years ago I hit a similar breaking point to the author's "blueberry meltdown." After 13.5 years of marriage, to a man willing to share the work, I woke up and realized he was treating me like a doormat - I'll spare you the details. I tried and tried strategies to improve my situation. After a few failed mini-efforts (including trading lives for a week to promote empathy), we finally landed on a system that is extremely similar to the cards recommended in Fair Play (we use assignable to-do lists in the Wunderlist App). Every strategy in the Fair Play system is part of our own. We’ve needed it all — the dredging of work from the shadows to the light, the value setting, the ownership from conception to execution, the avoiding using your spouse as back-up for everything, and even the built-in time-off for self-development. We hit bumps. I worried what my in-laws thought — but we stayed the course. It worked, and we are better than ever (and, yes, that means more and better sex, too). The system freed us not only from the nit-picky day-to-day misery but also from the feeling we could never leave the house. We found free-time. My husband revels in the friendships and activities he can leave his family for, guilt-free. I traveled for 10 days of business last March (with manageable preparations for my “cards”), and all they missed were hugs. The first 100 or so pages of this book set the context for the issues women (largely) are facing. This is the context I lived. It's definitely a downer. I say this to say, that if you need a ‘why' to get yourself moving on this Fair Play plan, then read it. But if you can buy into the plan without it — SKIP it (for now). For husbands/back-up partners: It's hard to stare a problem like this in its face, and still have the energy to do the work. Do the work for your family. Do the work for your daughters (and sons). Do the work for yourself. There are so many issues in life that we can not control: This is one we can. Fair Play will lift women's spirits. Fair Play will make them feel loved. Fair Play will give them back their energy and joy — and they, in turn, will bring their true gifts to you and the world. It is truly one area where you can take a small step for a woman, and a giant leap for MAN- and WOMAN-KIND. (I’m only sorry I can not go back in time and take some cards for my mother.) For what it's worth, it's not men's fault. We are all working hard. Through discussion, we raise our shared-expectations. For some partners in a family it will feel like more work in total. Early in the process, old resentments can sometimes target the system, making things worse. But, if you can get to a place where both partners sincerely try, you will be busier AND happier. TODAY. If you choose to play, the time you spend on Fair Play tasks (the grind; emotional labor, etc.) will be what allows you, on your death bed, to look back and say, "I’m glad I was there for my family."

Let me start off by saying that today's book is one that many not be popular in many Christian circles. Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) by Eve Rodsky is not a "Christian" book. In fact a lot of people would probably deem it a feminist text and move on. But, before I jump into that, lets talk about what this book is. Fair Play is an acknowledgement that in most marriages the majority of work inside the home falls primarily on the shoulders of women. In fact, modern women are being CRUSHED by the weight of everything that they are rightly and unjustly expected to do for their families. Fair play is a system that helps couples to balance out the work load. The best part about this book is that Rodsky says clearly how to do that. In a lot of marriage books this idea is summed up as, "have a conversation with your spouse about responsibilities" and then they move on. This book IS the conversation you need to have with your spouse, it is also the conversation on how to make the changes needed. I will say that when my husband and I used this system we had to add in categories because we are a military family and we homeschool. Both of those qualifiers have specific needs and requirements that this book just didn't cover. Now, as to the idea that this book is unbiblical... if you have read the Bible, sharing one another's burdens and having dominion over your sphere of influence is not a male/female thing. It is a Christian thing. There isn't anything in the Bible that says a man can't help with household chores. The word of God places a great deal of significance on treating one another with respect and a great many Christian marriages could use this book to help get out of some ugly, un-Christlike patterns. Overall, I give Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) five stars. I have come back to this book often and I have already loaned it to a friend. While it isn't a Christian book, there isn't anything in the text that compromises my theological standard.

As a professional women who took a career detour (aka, requested demotion) 3 years ago after having a child, I 100% relate to the stories in this book from women who have grown resentful because they are making most of the sacrifices in their relationship and putting in full-time hours in the office and then full-time hours in the home. For that reason, I think this book is validating and makes me feel like I'm not alone and I'm not being ridiculous, which is very valuable since I was starting to think my expectations were unrealistic. On the other hand, because this book is written by a woman, from a woman's perspective, and for a woman audience, I have found it difficult for my partner to understand why I want to make his busy schedule even busier and play a "chores game" with him without him reading something with which he can truly relate - as I did with this book. For that reason, I think it would be most helpful for the author's spouse (or a male friend, etc.) to write a Fair Play II from the man's perspective, so that our partners might better understand and empathize with our situations and even learn about the positive benefits for men of taking on more responsibilities at home.

We recently had our second baby and while she has brought us immense joy, her arrival sucked the life out of our 13-year relationship. I found myself on the verge of a nervous breakdown trying to manage our entire household—a special needs 10 year old, a newborn, and two cats, plus all the other work that goes into maintaining a safe and tidy home—all on my own. During my sleep-deprived research, I saw a recommendation for this book and decided to check it out. I was not disappointed! The first thing I noticed when I began reading was the validation. All the invisible work and the mental load I was carrying (things my husband still can’t quite comprehend) was perfectly laid out in this book. The exhaustion, the burnout, the resentment, the unfairness of it all…clearly outlined in a way that showed us both just how much I’m doing and why I feel so overwhelmed all the time. The second thing I noticed was how balanced and reasonable the solution could be. My husband and I were both impressed by the idea that the workload can be fair without being evenly divided. As a stay at home mom, I expect to carry more of the household responsibilities. That’s what I signed up for and it’s what I want to do. But I no longer have to carry ALL of the responsibility. My husband has taken a few things off my plate. And while we’re still not quite where I want to be, we’re moving in the right direction.

The story part of this book is very biased. I am AFAB, so don't gang up on me as a gender traitor. I believe that social conditioning has shaped the conflict this tries to fix, NOT purposeful and willful incompetance. The story part vilifies men as people who willingly and willfully ignore their responsibilities. I argue that most men (yes there are probably bad seeds out there) are just conditioned so differently through life that they don't understand what they really do need to pay attention to. And it isn't a woman's job to educate and recondition a man. It's his job. But villifying someone on the basis of gender and conditioning is not the way to get cooperation. HOWEVER- the fair play cards and explanations part is a game changer. This is where the book shines. It requires cooperation, mindful presentness, and helps show, not tell, the conditioning differential. Get this for the card tool, if nothing else. NOW, a book and some cards will not undo years of built-up resentment. If you buy this book, I firmly suggest couples-counseling and individual counseling. I'm no doctor, but have enough experience to say that getting an objective 3rd party referee for the initiation of this process is probably necessary. You could try it without, but if there is even a little resistance, it won't be sustainable. It's a good tool, but not a panacea.

Who among us working moms has not felt the pure rage that arises when we've worked a full day at the office but also made the orthodontist appointments, looked into summer camps, put "find a new math tutor" on the list, got up at 5 to do the laundry, prepped dinner, cleaned up after breakfast, thought about school application deadlines for the following year, gave the cat his medicine--basically pulled a full-on Alice from The Brady Bunch--while our partner MAYBE drives a kid to practice a couple days a week or loads the dishwasher and then expects a medal plus a TV news crew to come cover it? I want to scream just thinking about this situation that used to be mine. BUT then I read this book and I'm happy to report -- Eve Rodsky has our back! This book saves marriages, sanely. Most partners actually want to be involved 50/50 and FAIR PLAY shows exactly how to do that. Step by actionable step, backed by research and real-life examples. HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK.

Not finished with the book but —-fascinating material. Every single man on the planet should read this book at least once. It is an eye opener for them as to what women are doing, and how they can actually be involved.

The book has a neatly organized system and some good arguments, although they do circle around and Eve can be pretty whiny about it all. I feel that, me too. Alas, she failed to convince my husband to cooperate. Alas, Eve, me too. Probably buy this one used...because your husband won't read it and he won't change a thing.

very good book about sharing responsibilities. worth the read.

I absolutely fell in love with this book. My husband and I have always struggled distributing chores and yet this book gives such an easy way of delegating. I love the concept of ‘unicorn’ days where you just need to look after each other a little. Would definitely recommend. You can also buy cards or print online :)

My wife shared with me a podcast where Eve Rodsky was a guest. We both got hooked into that episode, we looked into the cards game, I bought the book so we could have it at home and rebalance our relationship specially when big changes happen (marriage, kids, pets, renovations, new jobs, etc). Reading the book was such as disappointment in comparison. The podcast was all hype, the cards game is awesome to have conversations, the book was written for people that need a smack on the back of the head with the book itself to wake up from a fever dream in barbieland. I don't know who needs this book, I'm sure there will be people that haven't evolved all the way to adulthood and will need everything spelled out for them about how an adult relationship is supposed to work. Unless you feel like you are partnering a child, skip the book. Listen to the podcast maybe even buy the card game. Skip the torture of the reading.

Worth it but only when your spouse will also actually bother to read it, mine didn't I just had to develop a whole other system to make things work and I'm still stuck being the manager. This also heavily needs to be modified to fit an Indian context.

I read this book after my wife suggested I look at the fairplay cards. Not being the sort of man who plays a game without knowing the rules I dug into it. Eve lays out the framework for a task management system that respects both partners. I like that her focus was on conversation and teamwork in order to find a balance that fits your couple. I saw a lot of my bad habits in this book and was able to honestly see them and reflect on them. This book can only help your relationship, give it a shot.