The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communication in the Age of Distraction

Zen, mindfulness, and well-being are all buzzwords right now – just append them to any subject and “boom!”, instant appeal. Don’t get me wrong, I very much appreciate the current focus on living in the moment and appreciating the things we have; however, an unfortunate side effect of this interest seems to be a devaluing of those ideals. After all, if eating, walking, working, and pretty much every other activity can be done “mindfully” by downloading some app or other, then achieving mindfulness must be as simple as learning a few easy tricks, right? As the author of The Zen of Listening so aptly states in the intro to her book, it’s easy to amass a list of behaviors to become more mindful...it is another thing entirely to implement those behaviors, and another thing again to truly transform into a more mindful anything. The Zen of Listening is not a bag of cheap tricks or trite, quick-fix tips; it is a guidebook for the journey of introspection and transformation necessary to quiet our internal voices enough to become better listeners.An experienced speech and language pathologist, Rebecca Shafir acknowledged early in her career that she needed to specialize not just in speaking, but in listening. As Shafir so eloquently states in the first chapter, “Our goal in becoming mindful listeners is to quiet the internal noise to allow the whole message and the messenger to be understood…listening is a gift we give to others.” She skillfully weaves together a tapestry of practical advice, the science behind how we listen and what we choose to pay attention to, the history of Zen Buddhism and how it relates to listening, and stories and vignettes of her own struggles with these practices. This book is for anyone genuinely seeking to improve their relationships and the lives of those around them through mindful listening. I love how inspiringly Shafir delivers the “reap what you sow” message: “by [putting in the effort required], you will abandon any narrow and self-limiting views about listening…and be free to experience the vast richness of each person you meet, and be able to absorb the wealth of knowledge and opportunity that exists with every waking breath”.

Not a typical communications book full of techniques, this book concentrates on how you think about interactions, and how that thinking affects how you respond. This was a deceptively simple read; the book was easy to get through, but after you read each chapter you are left with a lot to think about. Reading the book will leave you with insights that will help you to understand and improve your interactions with others. You'll learn both about how you listen, and why some interactions might bother you. Each chapter ends with a few simple exercises to help you practice what the chapter discusses, and each chapter has stories that may remind you of interactions you have had.As I read the book in paper form, I also appreciated the books attention to detail, such as how new chapters started on the right hand page. My one minor complaint about the book is that a brief discussion in the last chapter about the negative effects of online interactions seemed to be a missed opportunity. While it is good to keep challenges of various media in mind, it would have been a pleasant surprise to see a discussion of how the lessons in the book could be applied to make all interactions more effective. This does not take away the value of the book. This is worth a read if you are interested in learning more about how you can listen and communicate better.

This is a book that will/has helped me in my consulting practice. I also think it has broad application for anyone--parent, manager, teacher who wants the benefit of better and more satisfying relationships.In a world characterized by terminal "busy-ness", instant messaging, the new language of texting (OMG! I get a fraction of what my children say), stand up meetings and drive-by commentary, 24-hour views (no more news) cycles, there is a profound need for "mindful communication" as advocated by Rebecca Shafir. The book is very much about our "presence" and goes beyond (and is in fact critical of) listening techniques that have been taught over the years. It resonates with Steven Covey's habit of "seeking first to understand" and Edgar Schein's recent work on humble inquiry.The parts that were most helpful to me were the chapters on barriers to listening which she describes as "Great Walls of Misunderstanding", listening to ourselves which helps us self-correct when our ego gets in our own way and listening under stress.She heads each chapter with a provocative quote. My personal favorite is this one from Rumi: "There is a place between voice and presence/where information flows/with disciplined silence it opens/with wandering talk it closes."Just possibly, with better listening, our worlds will be filled with a little more silence--productive silence.

A very good survey of the practice of listening. What makes this book distinct from other books on listening is it’s location within the practice of mindfulness — which is a popular topic at the moment. Full of practical strategies to improve listening and apply mindfulness (meditation and living fully in the present) to this most significant of human activities. Everyone would benefit from reading this book — even if one didn’t wish to take on the meditative aspects. The author is clearly very experienced and writes in an engaging style.

I gave this book only 3 stars because it took too long to get to the point. The first half of the book is not very useful and I almost gave up. Most of us could use help with listening, since we spend most of the time when other people are talking thinking about what we are going to say. I am a meditator, but still find myself doing this quite a lot. There are some good ideas in the book, but she takes awhile getting to them.

I really enjoyed this book some interesting points and I am now practicing meditation. I recommend this if you have trouble focusing and concentrating on conversations.

I loved it! Learned a lot about myself.

It wasn't as good as I'd expected. A lot of it was common sense (it seemed to me). Borrow it from the library first.