Turtles All the Way Down Hardcover – October 10, 2017

I very much liked this book. It talks about the internal side of anxiety very nicely and makes it easy for those who have a hard time understanding from an out side perspective. This book also clearly details how it feels to dissociate in the middle of an interaction and the shame and discomfort after one comes back to reality. I would recommend this book to anyone struggling with their own anxiety or other mental illness.

***Reviewed by my son***Turtles All the Way DownI read this in two days. This will be a long post since I have a very personal connection with this book. Reader discretion is advised: this will touch on mature topics and include profanity.This story primarily touches on mental illness--specifically, anxiety and OCD. I struggled intensely with anxiety and OCD for 6+ years of my life (still do, but not nearly as bad as it used to be). For years, I was thinking about suicide every day for a significant part of each day. I had plans. I wanted the anxiety to end, and I knew of no way but sleeping--and death was permanent sleep, so I gravitated toward it. I remember being trapped in thought spirals for extended periods of time and being tormented day after day by my illness. I would go through my rituals over and over, blanketed in shame and fear and worry. Nothing was enough. I would always think of another way to worry, another way that I didn't /do it right/. Sometimes, I would engage in self-harm by hitting myself with blunt objects. The spirals would go down and down, on and on, tightening and tightening with no end. They started small, like a dam with a leak, and then broke out and swept me away in the current as I drowned.I remember having such deeply introspective and strange thoughts about my identity and my mind that I thought no-one else in the world would ever think. They were paradoxical, and there was no way to find the answer. I was crazy. I knew I was crazy. I was also alone. I knew of no-one else who could empathize with me. No-one else knew what it was like. I only wanted it to stop, and I couldn't stop it.Like I said earlier, I am doing much better now than I used to. Still, these illnesses are present with me. Then, along comes this random book called "Turtles All the Way Down" that my mom got me. I read it. I was dumbfounded. Someone else understood. I thought I was all alone, and now, here I was, reading this book. And I knew: "This guys gets it." I finally found someone who can empathize. I'm not alone.I was really mind-blown in the later chapters where the main character asks deep questions about their identity, the answers to which are beyond the reach of Man. He wrote down the EXACT SAME WEIRD THOUGHTS I HAD almost WORD FOR WORD. It was eerie, how it felt like this guy had the password to my subconscious and had seen into my brain. But that's not the case; the fact is that I'm not alone in all this. And it'a a relief.I have a love-hate relationship with this book. I love it because it accurately reflects how it feels to be in a thought spiral, caught in OCD and anxiety, and I can relate to it very well. I hate it because it accurately reflects how it feels to be in a thought spiral, caught in OCD and anxiety, and I can relate to it very well. Much of me is happy that I'm not alone. But another part of me reads this book and thinks, "Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. That's exactly how it feels. I had blacked out those 6+ years and only remembered fragments, but now you brought it all back. Thanks." But really, that's a small part of me. I am grateful.If you've ever wondered what it's like struggling with anxiety--specifically OCD--, then read this book. It's not perfect, but it's close. Specifically, there are two ways the book falls short: 1) it's a zillion times more intense when you're experiencing it than when you're reading a book on it, and 2) the book, by its very nature of being a book, cannot portray how blisteringly FAST thought spirals move and constrict. Otherwise, it's great. Highly recommended.Book: Turtles All the Way Down by John Green(I am getting professional help. I have a psychiatrist and a counselor. I have a support network. I am not asking for pity parties or for attention. I am only bringing attention to this book. Mental illness is hard to understand for those who don't have it, and that cannot be held against them. But they should try to understand. This book might be a good first step.)- S.H.

I’ve been struggling to figure out how to write this review since I finished reading the book a few days ago, so it might be a bit messy and a bit long. Let’s start off with a trigger/content warnings. Some I noticed and some I grabbed from Katie’s review, which you should also read (after this one, of course) because she’s brilliant.- Disordered eating- Anxiety/Panic Attacks- OCD Thought Spirals- Depersonalization- Self HarmI usually have a bit of order to my reviews but, as previously stated, this one is going to be a bit messy. Turtles All The Way Down is one of my most anticipated releases this year… one of the few I actually went out of the way to put money away for and preorder so I could be sure to have it on release day. I did this before ever seeing the cover or reading the actual synopsis. Why? Not because I’m a John Green fangirl. In fact, this is only the second book he has authored that I’ve read.So, why did I go out of my way to get my hands on this book without even knowing what it would be about or what it would look like? John Green mentioned in an interview that he had been working on Turtles All The Way Down for quite a while and he wasn’t sure how it would be received because it’s somewhat different from his other novels. In this novel, he was writing his own experiences. Now, I could go on and on about the lack of good mental illness representation, especially ownvoices, but honestly that deserves its own post.Turtles All The Way Down is ownvoices for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (often referred to as OCD) and the Anxiety that so often goes with it. I am an ownvoices reader for both. Knowing nothing about the plot in advance meant nothing because I know how limited good representation is and how abundant bad rep is for most mental illness. I know how rare it is that I could possibly see myself so well in a character on the page.Now that I’ve explained why I initially picked the book up, I’m going to pretend to follow my usual order a bit before returning to the topic of the representation.The story is told in first person from Aza’s point-of-view, so the characters are all developed as she sees them. John Green did an amazing job of this, especially when it came to limiting how Aza saw the other characters. Given that certain aspects of each personality were left off because of how they were seen by Aza, I felt like each character was really well developed. I could easily see myself having a conversation with any of them.Turtles All The Way Down is set in Indianapolis, Indiana. I’ve never been there, but it’s a big city so I feel like it probably couldn’t be much different from the one I live in. It was built up well enough that I could see myself in most of the situations, though I’m not sure how much of that was my brain filling in what I have experienced or if the descriptions were just that good. It’s been a few days since I finished reading and those edges have been filed away a bit. I did enjoy seeing the variety of locations used, but I’m not sure how immersive the world building was.The plot of the story was very interesting. It was sort of like coming-of-age combined with mystery, which was surprisingly enjoyable. I also liked how there were multiple subplots running through the entire novel and solving themselves at various points. The whole story flowed really well and even when there were plot twists (and oh were there plot twists) it was easy to follow.I feel like a lot of the reason I’ve had trouble writing this review is because with most books the feeling I’m left with is a simple one. Happy. Sad. Angry. Irritated. This book left me with so many feelings, but the one that I feel the most is one I don’t often feel after finishing reading a novel: Validated.Throughout the entirety of Turtles All The Way Down, John Green doesn’t shy away from the good or the bad that comes with OCD and anxiety. It was so realistically portrayed that it triggered a thought spiral for me so definitely read with care if you’re also an ownvoices reader. It was so incredible though to see that I’m not the only one who experiences this the same way as I do. We got to see both the invasive thoughts and the logical ones Aza attempted to use to push the invasive ones away.I had to force myself to split reading this into two sittings because life happened, but I could easily have stayed up and finished reading it in a single sitting. If John Green’s other books are written half as well as this one, I’ll read every single one.

I truly loved this book. John Green has done it again with showing internal struggles. I really felt like I could relate in a small way because I constantly have sickness paranoia. But it was also a mystery read too trying to find her old friends dad who went missing. This book made me mad in some aspects towards people, but I was rooting for the main character the entire time!

If you know me, you’ll know that I love John Green. I adore all of his books and I’m pretty much a walking cliché for it. So naturally, I’ve been waiting for Turtles All the way Down for years… like, literally yeas. I ordered it the day it came out and a few days later, it was on my doorstep. First of all… I have to admit that I cried when I saw the special dust jacket cover which has a poster of all his most famous book quotes from his previous books. So yeah, that happened. But anyway… onto this book. I have a lot to say so I’m going to review it a little different, in sections rather than one great big whack of writing.What’s it about?Turtles All the Way Down is about Aza and her best friend Daisy who discover that a billionaire in their town has gone missing. Not only that, there’s a huge reward for anyone who can help locate him. And not only that, Aza used to be good friends with his son. Aza and Davis become close and have to navigate through their relationship and their own issues, including Aza’s severe OCD and mental health problems.StorylineAdmittedly, it wasn’t the most riveting storyline in terms of action. The billionaire storyline probably wasn’t strictly needed but unlike so many others, I actually really liked it winding through the main elements which is firmly Aza’s OCD and anxiety (more on that later). I thought the missing billionaire element could have been a bit “more” but I also understand that it was more about Davis and his brother, Noah’s reaction to their negligent, missing dad rather than the dad himself.Mental health & AzaJohn Green did an amazing job with Aza. Written from her point of view, you get a real, raw sense of what it’s like being in the mind of someone with OCD. Although I have anxiety, I don’t have OCD nor do I know too much about it and the thought processes that people with the condition have on a daily basis. But this book truly made me understand more. If you’re one of those people that say something is, “a little bit OCD” then I would highly suggest you read this book because I guarantee you will stop saying something so insensitive after reading it. It was heart-breaking at times, seeing Aza’s constant struggle with her own mind.It’s quite obvious that Green went through extensive research for this character and her condition. We’ve all read books with mental health themes which weren’t sensitive or accurate and generally just got it really wrong but John Green knows what he’s doing, he understands and you can tell that straight away from this book. He doesn’t try and make Aza anything she’s not. She is what she is, thinks how she thinks and that’s that, we take her or leave her but we’re also led to sympathise with her and really feel for her as a character.CharactersAside from Aza who I’ve gone in to, I absolutely loved Aza’s best friend Daisy, she had such a huge personality and was probably my favourite character in the whole book – she’s the kind of person I’d love to be friends with myself (she also writes Star Wars fan fiction,what more could you want?) She’s a huge contrast to Aza, in fact the complete opposite and despite the fact they clash quite heavily in one part of the book, I think it makes them better friends that they are so different.I would have liked to read more about Davis and know him more because on the surface, he’s a really interesting and intriguing character. He’s clearly quite lost in himself and in life – perhaps because of growing up a billionaire’s son and not having a mum but I liked the insights into his blog and his poetry.There wasn’t many more main-ish characters but I think the characters such as Aza’s mum and her psychologist were very well written but also very annoying but I think that was intentional, especially because the book was written in Aza’s POV. From my own anxiety experiences, I know that people can come across as annoying when dealing with your mental health, even though their intentions are well.Final thoughtsAfter such a long wait, I personally was not disappointed in the slightest with Turtles All the Way Down. As always, it captures Green’s beautiful way with words and his immaculate ability to make you think about yourself and life in completely different ways. It was effortlessly written and effortless to read – it was without a doubt the quickest book I’ve read all year and I’m not a fast reader. Although it’s not the most action-packed and riveting book, it packs a punch, delivers a message and it made me think about the idea of the “self”, of our thoughts and actions and what it means to love and miss people. Nothing I say will do this book justice for me. I adored every bit of it.

“Your now is not your forever.”― John Green, Turtles All the Way DownWow. This book was stunning. Hard to read (trigger warnings for OCD and anxiety), but Jesus, did it feel healing at the same time.John Green wrote the shit out of this book. The way mental health was portrayed through Aza was excruciating, harrowing and educational to read about and it still made me feel that though the stigma might have lessened a bit, the understanding of this subject is narrow.I felt this book to my core. I was there with Aza when she was spiralling out of control, her mind constantly pulling her in different directions, finding no centre, the constant doubt hurling you further into finding no fixed point, so that you may breathe and focus.I've so much admiration for Green for writing so openly in this book. It was so raw and bleak and the ugly side of mental health truly came to live, because that's how it is and what it can manifest into.And though, it may seem difficult to find hope, a way to see the light at the end of the tunnel that seems never-reaching, it is there. It is tangible and can be found.

As a follow up to the phenomenal “The Fault in Our Stars”, my expectations were pretty high for this YA novel. I can’t say I was disappointed, because Green had created in 16-year-old Aza Holmes a believable and very identifiable character who is easy to root for.While the previous novel featured teenagers suffering from terminal illnesses, Aza too suffers from sickness, only it’s a form of mental illness. A very tricky and sensitive subject, but so relevant among the young these days. Thankfully, Green is adept enough not to turn Aza into a tired stereotype and poster girl for someone who trumps over her illness and lives happy ever after. The novel is narrated from her point of view so the reader develops a strong sense of empathy over her seemingly irrational fears of being infected with C-diff, and being hyper aware of her body being made up of microorganisms that she has no control over. So far, those are the good points.High school is a difficult place to navigate for any teenager, so it is a minefield for Aza, with the added burden of OCD and paranoia. So it is a little unreal how much of her school experience is ellipted from the narrative, sheltered as she is by protective best friend Daisy, whose sidekick role is given quite a boost with her Star Wars fanfic writer status and of course fearless nature, and her motto “Break hearts not promises”. Given the main storyline promises to be about the two Nancy Drews trying to solve the case of a missing multi-millionaire, who just happens to be the father of one of Aza’s childhood friend, the story almost takes a turn in that direction, and yet it doesn’t, not really. Instead a budding love story eclipses that story arc, but then Green is also keen to throw in the buddy relationship between Aza and Daisy, so that takes over some two-thirds in as well.It seems with this novel, Green is attempting to keep too many balls in the air all at once, which makes it only a matter of time that some inconsistencies get through. I can’t quite understand how someone with acute OCD and who gargles antiseptic hand soap to get rid of germs she is afraid of ingesting from kissing someone, could be fine with jumping into an unsterilised pool in the biting cold, and then just drying off without a shower to wander around her boyfriend's house after that. She also wanders through an underground art gallery in a rat-infested tunnel at one point with Daisy. These instances seem quite glaring to me, given Aza’s struggle with these issues is so integral to the plot and her characterisation.Nonetheless, I would still give this novel 3.5 stars for the memorable lines and strong dialogue.

2.5 StarsFirst, I would like to say that I listened to the audiobook version of this book via audible, while also reading the book, swapping back and forth. The narrator of the audiobook was not the best and she didn’t do the best of performances, she didn’t pull me in to the story nor did she do a good job at building characters, which may have impacted my overall rating of this book.The main character does suffer from some serious anxiety, which becomes a character in itself and takes over. This seems fitting with how it was played within the book, but it also was a major distraction. I know people who suffer with anxiety, in several different forms, whether it’s health related anxiety, or some different form. It can be overwhelming and it’s all you can think of, practically taking over your life, but this went to a new extreme. I felt a little uncomfortable while reading it, even more so when listening to sections being read to me. I like what John Green was trying to do, but for me, it just didn’t work.Listening to the audiobook was a little off putting and made me feel a little awkward on times. I couldn’t really get fully emerged into the story and get as connected to the characters as I would have wanted to. Maybe this made me biased when it came to the sections I read, as I still heard the narrators voice instead of the characters. I do plan on rereading this at a later date, and just reading it, as I have heard some positive things and I want to know if the audio version had as much of an affect as I’m claiming.

I found it difficult to get into this book at first; I didn't understand Aza's character, but I think that comes from how well the book is written. The complex feelings and mental anxieties were written clearly and the reason why I found it so hard to read at first is because I don't understand mental illness as much as I should. This book is a real eye-opener into the world of OCD and although I don't suffer with the same disorder; I could relate to some of the main characters anxieties. The words flowed very well and I found myself wanting to reach into the pages and give Aza a big hug; the burden she has to live with on a daily basis was evident and I felt her pain resonate from the pages.John Green took me on a rollercoaster of emotions. I was laughing at the character interaction between Aza and her best friend, Daisy. And then I was crying at how much Aza's character was fighting a lonely battle with her inner demon. It was heart-wrenching at times and I hoped for a quick fix for her, but as I found out, that's not easy with mental illness. There is a part of me that was disappointed with how the story ended and I was going to leave this story 4/5 but I now realise that Aza's battle with her demon would be long-lasting. There is no fast cure for what she feels and we were left knowing that she would go on fighting way after the last turn of the page.There were some comical character interactions between Daisy and Aza which helped to throw in some lighter moments to the quite 'harrowing' read. The characters are brilliantly written and likeable. I love that each character has their own feel to them and I read with both tears in my eyes and a smile on my face.With every spiral that Aza battled I felt every twist and turn and understood the intensity of struggle to remain normal and to ignore her invasive thoughts; especially when she tries to have a romantic relationship with Davis.All in all, this book was a very interesting read and I can see how it could help a lot of people who are in the same boat as our main character. Even if it gives them words to show their family/friends so they can get a better understanding of what they go through.I would highly recommend this book!