More than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory

After reading this book and listening to audio version several times it leaves you wondering why you would ever attempt this. Most of the stories are of pain, heartache, jealousy and insecurity. If you want to expose these parts of you in a painful way i highly recommend polyamory. It was a disaster for me and honestly i ve not seen a single case where this was positive experience for anyone. On an intellectual level i get how this lifestyle should be better but in reality it doesn't work that way. What bothers me the most about polyamory is i hear spouses say how jealous they feel when they see their spouses laughing and cutting up and doing things with others that either don't do with them or don't do anymore. This has been termed new energy and it wears off after some time. I call it relationship laziness. If one can't put forth the energy and time to keep one relationship alive how are they going to do it with two or three. If the primary spouse sees their spouse having never before seen fun with another that wasn't had with them don't be shocked when it ends the primary relationship. I honestly think polyamory is for those addicted to new love energy and this is why I 've not seen it done successfully. Someone is always feeling deprived and left out when one partner sees the other giving to someone else what they quit giving to the primary some time ago when the "new" energy wore off. If the spouses were keeping the love and FUN alive the need to add to the couple probably wouldn't even be there.

This book fails to consider any kind of trauma informed care in relationships, is ableist and erases the experience of neurodivergent people, and when I went to explore more from Eve - low and behold the other author is under public fire for a string of abusive relationships.

More than two review:Thousands of questions I never would have thought to ask about myself or others! Incredible.I have finally set healthy boundaries for myself after 10 years of trying to figure it out!I just finished it in 5 days, and to be honest I'm disappointed that it's over!I liked the kindle version since it lets me highlight, copy, and paste making my note taking and self discovery super simple!Someone in our group asked about its appropriateness for teens: my response is this:Well. That depends. The book is excellent as far as relationships of all kinds go!!! It's not overly sexual or explicit at all, very tasteful. It is of course, designed to explain the how tos of poly living, but also discusses monogamy, comparing the two often without coercion. It's much more focused on in depth discussions of how to/how it to have healthy relationships with yourself and others than on sex. It focuses on compassion and integrity.I come from a very Christian back ground, I love my Jesus! But this book goes over love in ways that I have never learned and feel are highly intelligent and accurate as far as how to love yourself, and others!You could absolutley read it yourself as a way to gain some amazing insights on teaching kids about healthy love, and for older teens, I feel that it is absolutely appropriate and educational in ways that are thought provoking and prompt personal growth in countless positive ways, including information regarding making personal choices that affect sexual health and safety.

Salesmanship is unethical when it comes to sex. The biggest problems with this "guide" are its poor organization and the fact that it is written largely from the point of view of a "non-primary" unabashedly trying to sell polyamory and sympathy for non-spouses. ("Stop worrying about the money he's spending on the other woman and be happy he pays the mortgage.") The snow job here overrides any attempt to discuss polyamory "ethics" realistically, or to help people upfront who don't know what polyamory is which is why they're looking for a book. After many rambling chapters presenting various poly examples as positive, the authors finally discuss "mono-poly," which is one partner pushing for permission to have a guilt-free affair - a typical scenario masquerading as "poly." In an earlier chapter, the other spouse asks for time and magically "gets over" jealously and pain, which according to this book an enlightened person shouldn't feel, especially since your spouse is or soon will be poly by nature, like having blue eyes. Towards the end, the authors finally caution not to try polyamory unless your marriage is already on completely solid ground. They admit that polyamory only works if ALL parties exercise compassion and extraordinary communication skills with each other (how likely is that?), and that even then, it's an extremely delicate arrangement where someone inevitably feels shortchanged, whether it's the poly's themselves or their families. Shouldn't all that cautionary info be upfront? Bottom line: A reality check of online sources suggests polyamory is typically a dissatisfied married spouse and a 3rd party who feels "empowered" by multiple sex partners. Beyond that, it's often a gaslighting game of who can manipulate whom most successfully. Think through your own situation with a mental health professional, and ignore this book or anyone else trying to do a sales job on this subject.

Some general useful stuff for relationships as a whole. Be honest about what you want. Communicate your needs and be receptive to the needs of people you care about.The problem is that it is an incredibly messy way to live and love. Polyamory basically raises the problems with relationships by multiples, but in this book it's presented as a utopian solution to the problem of cheating and jealousy, when in reality it amplifies emotional dysfunction in relationships.This book reads like propaganda and is very dismissive of monogamy and commitment. It's reactionary rather than a life philosophy in its own right. "Not Monogamy" is basically the message. It might be the natural progression for youthful promiscuity, a slightly less socially unacceptable way to continue to sleep around after you've passed the age where peers are settling down. I have no doubt that an absolute minority of people may naturally want this kind of lifestyle, but it's not for the overwhelming majority of people who want loving and committed relationships.Also as a teacher and psychologist this is definitely not a lifestyle that is ok when you have children. This will screw them up, so if you're thinking about it you need to recognise that when you have children it's not just about what you want anymore.

Excellent book, with tons of practical advice and real-life examples and stories. They authors try to give you a toolset that can prepare you for polyamorous relationships if you would like to take that step, but the book can also be a goldmine for people in any kind of relationships since a lot of the tools can be beneficial for non-polyamorous people as well. The authors take a very open and friendly, but decisive tone, and it feels like you are reading a book from experienced teachers (which they undoubtedly are).

We have a fairly extensive library on poly and non-monogamy. Whatever other books you've read, get this book. Seriously.There is a perception that poly is difficult, inherently. The authors' take is that developing a mindset suited to poly, doing the self-work, building the skillset - these things are hard. But once you have done, being poly, while never without challenges, isn't the grind it's sometimes billed as. This book is a great insight into how to adopt a compatible mindset, work on those skills.It covers the poly terrain and typical issues that come up and common ways people take on poly to a useful depth without becoming a catalogue of options or a troubleshooting guide. The anecdotes and examples are useful and sometimes poignant. The focus on ethics is never preachy or judgemental, rather it comes over as coherently and consistently about living in a way that is fulfilling for and kind to those involved. There's lots of great stuff on having that attitude towards yourself, established partners, new partners (too often treated as disposable, or there to provide something, not having inherent value), children in poly situations and the wider community.If you're poly, or considering it, please get this book. We're getting copies to give to all our nearest and dearest. It's that good.

I read The Ethical Slut a few years ago and at the time thought it was pretty useful, but it left me with a lot of questions about HOW to do things and handle situations rather than the theory of it. More Than Two answers those questions and discusses a much broader range of situations. I would say it's overall a better book and I found the tone much easier to get on with.

BUY THIS BOOK. Seriously, it's so interesting and useful. Honestly one of the best books I've ever read and I don't even normally enjoy non-fiction that much.