Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy Paperback – February 11, 2014

This book is a rarity—a compelling read, on a hugely important topic, that not only describes a profound social problem, but offers concrete, actionable solutions.Bazelon powerfully documents bullying’s impact through the stories of 3 kids, all from different backgrounds. I wanted to weep as I learned of their persistent hazing. I shook the book with frustration as I read about lame school officials doing too little and parents doing nothing (or the wrong thing). But Bazelon is also relentlessly honest. She argues that bullying “merits serious and sustained attention,” but she also rebuts myths like: bullying has become an epidemic (it hasn’t), bullying is the biggest problem kids face in school (it isn’t), and we should respond to bullying with punitive school discipline policies (we shouldn’t).I was especially pleased to read Bazelon’s take on school discipline because some of the interventions she recommends for bullying (including the terribly named but really awesome Positive Behavioral and Intervention Supports (PBIS) program) are vastly superior to zero tolerance. I’m a law professor who teaches about positive school climate programs such as PBIS and Bazelon is right to argue that the effective programs are well worth the extra dollars they cost to implement.I also really loved the appendix (Resource for Readers), where Bazelon offers an annotated bibliography of resources for parents, educators, kids and others. Years ago I remember coming across Deborah Meier’s book called The Power of Their Ideas, about her amazing work at Central Park East school in New York City. The book came with an added bonus—Meier’s wonderfully opinionated bibliography, a godsend to a reader like me who was hungry for more but didn’t know the classics in the field. I suspect Bazelon’s resources section will have the same impact—it already has for me. I just ordered a book she recommends called Hooway for Wodney Wat to read with my 3 year old.Before I close, 2 disclaimers. First, I’m friends with Bazelon and I read part of this book in draft. Second, I was bullied in 5th grade. To this day I’m not sure why. But whatever the reason, I got on the wrong side of one of the toughest kids in my grade; one day he calmly informed me that the next morning he would be waiting to beat me up as I approached school. He was, and he did. From that day forward walking the 6 blocks to school filled me with dread because, although he didn’t attack me every day, he did so periodically, and with little warning. My mom eventually removed me from school for the year—in addition to being jumped I wasn’t learning anything in class. I moved on, with no scars I’m aware of, and never found myself in that situation again.I hadn’t exactly forgotten those days, but I also don’t think about them much. I suspect that, like me, many readers of this book will find old childhood memories (as victims, bullies, or witnesses) crowding their consciousness. And while painful, reviewing these memories will be worth it—we might even find ourselves propelled to act on some of Bazelon’s recommendations. A policy-maker might fund an effective anti-bullying program; an educator might work to create safe hallways and stairwells; a mom or dad might make these issues central to his or her parenting choices. This would all be to the good, and if it happens, we will have Emily Bazelon to thank.

It's often said in reviews that a book will "start a conversation" about its topic, but in this case, the conversation has been ongoing for well over a decade -- it simply hasn't been getting anywhere. Everyone has ideas about bullying, but many of these ideas are merely the prejudices of pop culture, or wild generalizations from their own experiences or their children's. Many are reductive, black-and-white, and unresponsive to evidence.Emily Bazelon's book helps to clarify the picture, recognizing the complexities in the lives of both bullies and victims, and those who don't neatly fit into either category. She presents the serious research that has been done on the topic over the past several decades, while using three case studies of real American teens to illustrate how the theories of the researchers play out in real life. The final section of the book looks at a few methods that schools are using, with some serious success, to cope with the modern incarnation of bullying, and even digs into what social media companies like Facebook are doing, or could do, to help.Overall, the book is a compelling read. The true stories are as fascinating as any schoolyard-drama novel, and will have you turning pages, concerned for what happens next in the lives of these young people, and hoping that things will improve for them.One idea that I thought was missing -- perhaps because Emily is not, herself, an engineer, or an expert on the history of Facebook -- was that Facebook could return to its roots, recreating its old school-based networks. If people under 18 had to associate themselves with some sponsoring organization (mainly schools) in order to use the site, FB could grant some kind of supervisory privileges to the schools, who would in turn set up accounts for guidance counselors or principals, allowing them to engage with complaints of abuse in a more nuanced way than FB can currently manage, with staff giving just a few seconds' thought to each case.Still, I think the book will useful for educators and parents everywhere, and is an engaging read for anyone who remembers their own experiences with grade school bullies and wants to come to grips with this persistent social ill.

this was a present for my nephew who has since said it was awesome!

I'm so pleased with this book. Not only does Ms. Bazelon's dedication to investigative, thorough journalism shine through, but she considers the nuances and gray areas of bullying. This is not a bully bashing book, nor does it blame their victims, but examines the tough world of the K-12 system, where "drama" is to be expected. But "bullying" is something totally different, and I appreciate that Bazelon goes to great lengths to explain that.

I should start with the disclosure that I am active in reading and working on research on bullying. So I'm aware of what the facts and fictions are within the field. Bazelon is a journalist who tries to get these right at the same time as she introduces real human elements into the story. The latter part of her work is excellent. Her facts are good, but not perfect.To begin with, this book is the story of three bullying incidents. One involves girls, another involves GLBTQ, another involves a teen suicide. Bazelon does her best to interview the supposed bullies and victims in all three cases, as well as the social, scholastic, and legal systems that surrounded each case. She does this admirably and makes the excellent point that bullying isn't always clear-cut. Rather, it's often mixed up in what she calls "teen drama" which is aggression between teens without a power imbalance.That is also where she falls down from a technical point of view. While I appreciate that she largely follows conventional research, I think it's wrong to deny the possibility of bullying happening between people of relatively equal power. Her often-cited example of Mean Girls (the movie with Lindsay Lohan) demonstrates this quite nicely (albeit as fiction). She is too quick to dismiss "teen drama" as being capable of causing harm on the same scale as bullying. While it's certainly true that bullying can be devastating to victims, so can "teen drama" aggression. That, and an overwhelming focus on "new" forms of bullying such as cyberbullying and gender-related bullying (that I doubt is new) skews this book. There is also a major focus on Olweus's intervention for bullying. Olweus essentially started modern research into bullying and had great success with a massive intervention program in Norway that knocked down bulling by 50%. That's good, but there are two big problems remaining. First, 50% of bullying keeps going despite massive interventions. Second, when you stop the interventions, kids who've never seen high levels of bullying go right back to high levels of bullying (suggesting an evolutionary propensity for some kids, in some circumstances, to engage in bullying). Bazelon ends the book with suggestions and comments for parents, victims, and bullies that are of mixed helpfulness.Normally then, I'd be tempted to dock serious points off a review for veering from, or distorting, facts and reality. But to be perfectly clear, Bazelon doesn't claim she has all the answers. She is very aggressive in pursuing all aspects of the bullying cases she reviews with an open mind. That means she finds some really interesting things (e.g., bullies who benefit, or who aren't complete ogres) at the same time as she challenges all those involved: parents, teachers, schools, students, and the bullies or victims themselves. That's perhaps the biggest strength of this book. The book opens up a lot of discussion on a broad front which is good because bullying is a very broad and complex issue. For that, and her empathic and honest efforts, I applaud Bazelon. This isn't a perfect book, but it's easily close enough for four stars (I wish I could give it 4.5). Because it draws attention to the fact that bullying is complex, serious, and ultimately involves all of us if we want to put an end to it. That's a message I'm happy to endorse, so I'm happy to recommend this book for anyone interested in learning more about bullying, what we can do about it, and most importantly perhaps (at this stage), what we need to do to better learn about it.