The Angry Smile: The New Psychological Study of Passive-Aggressive Behavior at Home, at School, in Marriage & Close Relationships, in the Workplace & Online

I needed to know how to identify and live with a passive aggressive husband. Now I know how to recognize a PA person, not so much on how to live with him!

Learning about this helped not only my job but understanding my marriage, or lack of one.

Excellent book. Finally I had all the answers I needed. After reading, I could let go of my past relationship.

good book

I've truly enjoyed reading it and haven't been able to put it down for hours! It helped me to identify what was going on with a relationship. I could never name it, and I honestly don't know how I came upon the word passive aggressive, except to hear that word being thrown around. Upon reading it, I discovered that I had many of the same experiences in the book with my best friend and it was the missing puzzle piece that finally gave me, first, anger and validation and then peace and understanding.

As the authors point out, “What makes The Angry Smile so valuable is the cognitive road map it provides for not only understanding the nature of passive-aggressive behavior but also effectively confronting it.” They go on to say, “Passive-aggressive behavior does not alternate between passive behavior and aggressive behavior but rather combines them simultaneously into one behavior that is both confounding and irritating to others.”It would seem that at one time or another everyone has engaged in some form of passive aggressive behavior. The authors point out that this kind of behavior ranges from “Temporary Compliance” where the “individual verbally agrees to comply with a request but behaviorally delays or consciously forgets to carry it out” to “Self-Depreciation” where the individual “behaves in outrageously offensive and self-destructive ways that lead to his own personal rejection and alienation”. In between you have “Intentional Inefficiency”, “Letting a Problem Escalate”, and “Hidden but Conscious Revenge”. They go on to say, “It is important to note that, in all cases, hidden anger is at the root of true passive aggression, and all such acts are emotionally dishonest means of expression.”Many of these responses are learned during childhood and, unfortunately, many don’t grow out of them. Overcoming these habits and developing adult conversations seems beyond many people. The first step is someone coming alongside, willing to speak truth into life of the passive-aggressor, and pulling back the veil. Although it would seem most who practice passive-aggressiveness know what they are doing, they have convinced themselves that no one else knows what they are doing. They think they are getting away with it and this, in itself, gives them great pleasure. By others letting the passive aggressive person know their dirty little secret is out, it can begin the process of change.The authors provide a mechanism for understanding our own or other’s passive-aggressiveness. They then go on to show how to lovingly confront those who act this way. They say, “The first skill to effectively confront passive-aggressive behavior is seeing beyond the sugarcoated behavior and recognize the hostility that lies beneath. The second step in the process of Benign Confrontation is for the adult to refuse to engage in these passive-aggressive conflict cycles.”Of course, we all need to do it. If we just would, our relationships at home, school, the office, and life in general, would be much better. This will allow adult conversations which deal with real issues, which in turn reveal the hurts and pain experienced so others are aware of what is going on.Anger is real. All of us experience it and need to learn better how to express it. Not only do we need to learn how to express our own, but we also need to learn how to allow others to express theirs.

Such a great book! This really helps people understand passive aggressive behavior, where it stems from, what it's truly all about, and how we can handle it. It strikes a cord with anyone, whether we relate based on our interactions with others, or our own passive aggressive tendencies. It is written in a way that is easy to read, doesn't use too much jargon and keeps you interested. As an LICSW in a high school setting, the information has been received so well by both the staff I have trained and the students I have presented it to. It goes well with Signe Whitson's, "How to be Angry" curriculum. As a spouse and mother of 4, it brought some perspective back on why they do what they do...you will not regret purchasing it...enjoy!

The book is easy to read and understand with clearly written examples and ideas. It opens your eyes on how to recognize and work with true passive aggression. The Angry Smile clearly lays out the typical forms a passive aggressive behavior that we observe and how once identified, strategies for how (or how not) to address and manage this passive aggression. Dr.'s Nicholas and Jody Long and Signe Whitson are true experts in understanding and approaching this challenging, perplexing and often frustrating type of behavior pattern. There is a cumulative affect of passive aggression and this book leads the reader to knowledge to promote long lasting behavioral changes in the children or adults in their lives through appropriate social alternatives. 5 Stars!