Review WOW!A powerful, revealing and strong read that's long overdue" -- David Kopay, 1st NFL Player to annouce his homosexuality Read more From the Publisher "Benn Setfrey's book, "DON'T SHOOT!," touched my soul unlike any other book I've ever read. As a 30-year-old black gay man, I've read many books -- fiction and non-fiction -- written by gay authors who have attempted to strike a cord, but often their books miss the mark. Benn Setfrey's book hits home because he's willing to reveal his own struggles and he shares with us some of life's lessons he's learned along the way. I'm not willing to honor someone's criticism unless I feel a connection to the source. Benn allows us to connect with him through his personal experiences. It's amazing to me how we as black gay men go about our own individual lives, either afraid or unwilling to share what bonds us together. Our collective experiences growing up in a world that teaches us loving another man is wrong, is such a strong connection. Unfortunately, many black gay men have bought the hype as we continue to further alienate ourselves from each other. Tops. Bottoms. Fem. DL. Masculine. Queen. Sure, these are labels, but they have also become the terms that have seeped into the mindset of gay black men and identify who we are. But are those labels all we are? Benn challenges us to go beyond the terms and get at the core of who we are as men. I repeat, MEN. Many of us have lived parallel lives, yet we are again afraid or unwilling to openly discuss what ultimately is a common bond. In DON'T SHOOT! Benn challenges those notions and causes us to look at ourselves in a way we many of us have not have looked at ourselves before. What does it mean to be a gay black man in America? What responsibility does the older generation have to lead the younger generation? How do you find your soul mate? I wonder what my life would have been like had I read Benn's book in my teens or twenties? Would I have continued to search for love in all the wrong places? Would I have been empowered to challenge my family's Biblical attacks? Ultimately, I believe the book landed in my hands at the right time." Jonathan, Chicago, IL Read more See all Editorial Reviews
G**T
Not as good as the title suggests
Bascially here we've got yet another self-styled "guru" who writes a chatty, mediocre book and sells it as the new rescue from doom/depression/whatever, here specifically for homosexual men. (Another one of those is this AskAngelo guy with his "Straight Acting" book.)Already after the first pages I was annoyed by the strange, overdone style of writing and the authors pompous declarations of his faith ("The Lord! The Lord!!!"). That he declares himself as a thinker but then spreads faulty research about the "feminine" behaviour of same-sex attracted men in childhood made me think of him as stupid and superficial, to be honest. His own "feminine" behaviour in childhood is imho due to his too-close relationship with his mother and sisters, since there was no father present. He still seems to be absolutely devoted to his mother and in fact views her as some kind of surrogate partner/therapist, a very self-inhibiting type of relationship which he does not reflect upon at all.The first half of the book is a lot of vain rambling about his difficult childhood and the ever-present, crushing homophobia he survived. As with the whole book, it's better to just browse through it.The next part is about why some homosexual men fall into the trap of being flamboyant queens, here he analysed that well (wrong role models, internalised stereotypes, overidentification with "being gay", low self-esteem etc.). His advice to get rid of this is more about mannerisms, though, it was interesting to read, but just on the level of "Don't wear this, don't move your hands that way, don't gossip and bitch". Also his advice about how to find a good relationship was itself not bad (first of all, work on yourself etc.), but again just basic stuff.In the end, there is good groundwork in the book about how to avoid silly stereotypical gay men and not to be like them, but it's all not developed further and fleshed out. I had the impression the author wrote this book just to congratulate himself and show off what a great guy he ain't. His self-reflection leaves a bit to be desired, too, also about the strange way his family deals with his relationship. Sometimes he himself comes across as downright bitchy and vain.Really interesting, though, was that he himself mentions he's not into anal intercourse. This is just mentioned, although it would be so important, he does not dig deeper into the physical and psychological issues of anal intercourse and alternatives like the Frot/C2C movement, whose websites you should really check out imho.All in all, I just flipped the book through and read the smart comments here and there which are hidden underneath all the chatter. Much better books written by homosexuel men for homosexual men are "A Place at the Table" by Bruce Bawer and "Androphilia" by Jack Donovan. They really achieve what Setfrey only tries and fail at, although Donovan has turned into a Nazi now, put superficially. Genereally, if you have troubles with your self-esteem, books aimed generally at men can be more helpful, too, the ones by Charlie Valentino are good for example or "No More Mr Nice Guy". Also, general books about emotional abuse or childhood trauma can help you much more, if you have to deal with that.
M**C
Michael
just finished reading this great book a long overdue read for me and I enjoyed it and it spoke to what I have always thought. Some of it would be political incorrect to say but to me it is what I have felt about being a sissy and how we need to man up in more ways than one. It has been a thorn in my side to see these young men and older men to diss their masculinity and/or let their orientation hold them back. I have to admit that it almost got me because I worked and played with some of these brothers and eventually took on some of their mannerisms. I had to remove myself out of this environment to regain me, reclaim the masculinity I was slowly loosing and redefine my spirituality. I'm not dissing fem men or some of the peeps I hanged with in the past. I just know that wasn't me; fem was not right for me but I took some of it on to fit in and yes it was fun sometimes but it wasn't me. I see a lot of other brothers like me who have done it too we came out just being our natural masculine self but then twist it up a bit to fit in but that's neither here nor there now. I said I had to redefine my spirituality too because I was once one of those brothers who would sit up in church knowing what was coming out of that preachers mouth was wrong and just let what he said beat up my spirit and my self esteem all the while saying amen. Today that has changed and not only since I learn the truth that matched what my spirit was trying to tell me have been a blessing to me but to others who I come in contact with. I feel Mr. Setfrey and I are kindred spirits in a sense because I feel we share the same views on masculinity, sexuality, and spirituality. As a matter of fact the book he wrote is one I had hope to have written but it is a blessing he has put it out and given our young brothas like us and younger and older a chance to find a book that can speak to them and give them some guidance. Thanks Benn for a well written book that is informative and entertaining it was a confirmation for me and a blessing. I'm a grad student now and working on my own business.Mike, 37Philadelphia
S**L
Mostly A Vanity Project
There are some good points and important insights in this book, but I can't recommend it. The author (who is bisexual, not Gay) has good intentions, but all too often, his ego and ghetto-fabulous lingo trip him up. For a guy who used to be a teacher, Mr. Setfrey's grammar leaves something to be desired. "Ebonics" or Black English doesn't have to sound ignorant! I didn't like his casual use of the word "homo", either. My biggest objection is to his comments about the Black women who have been attracted to him. Yes, those women were homophobic, but they didn't deserve to become the butt of crass jokes. Tearing other people down to build yourself up, that's not the answer.
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