Intimate Communion: Awakening Your Sexual Essence Paperback – November 1, 1995

Intimate Communion is an old book, first published in 1996, which, despite the vintage feel of the cover, still feels fresh and relevant 20+ years later. This is a book for both women and men, on what I would call conscious coupling or conscious intimacy, i.e. an evolved way of relating/relationships in which our intrinsic dominant sexual energies are fully expressed and supported within the relationship. Deida mixes his expertise as couples counselor and his knowledge of what makes some relationships thrive and collapse, his knowledge of what is characteristic to masculine and feminine essences and energy, a bit of Eastern Philosophy (pondering on the self, energy work and Tantric Sex). The result is Deida's unique voice in the world of couples counseling, a voice that needs to be taken into account to transcend most people's dissatisfying and unfulfilled relationships, where sexual apathy and/or cheating are too common to ignore.Deida defines Intimate Communion as the art of opening in love and the art of cultivating sexual polarity by gifting from our unique sexual essence. The aim is to supersede old forms of relating, get above an equal 50-50 relationship to another that can be 50-50 for many things but it is sexually charged, a relationship of free surrender in which both people feel alive and constantly feed their passion and natural non-tabooed flow of energies. Intimate communion has nothing to do with our gender, sexual orientation or religious beliefs. It is based on sexual energy, which varies from person to person disregarding their gender. Intimate Communion is a very honest open way of relating, based on respect, acceptance and surrender; it demands opening our heart moment by moment even when we are hurt and upset instead of retreating, giving the cold shoulder or punishing our partner for the hurt. Intimate Communion works on the three levels that keep a relationship finely tune through the ages: mind, heart and sexuality.MY HIGHLIGHTS>> Deida clearly explains the difference between love, romance and sexual polarity. He calls the attention to the fact that people often confuse gender equality and the neutralization of our native masculine or feminine sexual essences/energies. He also makes a relevant differentiation between men-women work and social equality and couple dynamics.>> The three stages of intimacy, of which Deida speaks over and over again, give you a clear sense of how intimacy is a process of growth, how different kinds of relationships work for men and women, and how emotional, sexual and gender issues manifest individually and deferentially in those three different stages.>> Deida's insight into the masculine energy is profound, and goes from the daily life to the metaphysical. It really helped me to recognize men I've come across in my life and realise the statge they were at. Deida understands the modern man's quest to regain his masculinity and become a 3rd stage man, that is, a man who does not need to dominate, domineer, or abuse his woman to unleash his true masculine energy. The 3rd stage man is an evolved man, psychologically reassured, who does not need to dominate and wants to relate to a woman who is at a similar stage of development. The 3rd stage man, the way is described, is a man around his 40s or older who has learnt life lessons and is ready to love freely, but it is also strongly committed, not because commitment is demanded or expected from him but because he is willing to do surrender. This commitment is not a ring on the finger, it is an attitude to relating in which sexual polarity is equally important and fully expressed.>> Deida gets the modern professional woman, not as much as the modern man, but I felt that many of the things he said were very true.>> Something new that I had never heard is that a person can have sexual love affairs with the environment. Just like human beings, places can be more or less feminine, masculine or neutral. And the energy of those places sometimes fills in the vacuum we have when our own sexual essence is not expressed in a polarised relationship.>> I loved the differentiation that Deida makes between a man's vision quest, man's escaping and man's diddling.TWO LITTLE CONNECTIONS>> I found that Deida's analysis would have benefited from Gary Chapman's points in The Five Love Languages (1995). One of the most important things you can do to re-energize your relationship is learning to recognize the way your partner gives love and wants love to be given to him/her. The love languages aren't based on polarity, doing-receiving-giving kinda stuff, but on the way individual personalities, disregarding gender, feel loved and express their love.>> Having John Gray's Men are from Mars and Women from Venus among my favorite books on relationships, I found that many of the things that Deida says in this book were basically a repetition of what Dr Gray told in 1992 (Deida's book was written in 1995).THE DOWNSIDES>> The quiz to figure out your sexual essence is very useful, but also very simplistic.>> The constant use of consciousness associated to male energy bothered me, not because I thought it wasn't meaningful as an element of a 3rd stage man, but because it seemed to imply that an enlarged consciousness is not as important to the feminine. Personally, I've found more women with high level of consciousness than men, my experience. I'm not saying that Deida believes that high consciousness is not proper to a highly evolved feminine woman, but the book reads as if consciousness is a privilege of the masculine.>> Although Deida's description and view of modern women is accurate in general, I felt that some of his discourse was anchored in the male's preference on how the feminine energy should be expressed, and how it was expressed in the past because women had no voice on anything until the beginning of the 20th century. Put it differently, one thing is feminine essence and another how that essence has been expressed in the past, where there weren't natural ways of expression for women except for those ways imposed and sanctioned by men. I found that some of Deida's statements felt in this category. A man telling a woman how to be feminine. Which is as ridiculous as woman telling a man how his scrotum feels in his pants. Two statements in this discourse really put me off: 1/ Deida says that the essence of the feminine woman is radiance and beauty, and that calling a woman ugly is the worse insult for a female. Well, that it's the case if you are talking to a superficial insecure moronic woman. Deida's statement is a distorted view of the female essence as some men would like it to be. A woman can be very feminine and spiritual and don't give a dam about beauty. Deida's statement also diminishes the intellect of the woman. I think most women would feel more insulted by a man telling them that their brain/intellect is 'unnecessary' to their femininity than being called ugly. I think that spirituality and intelligence contribute more to women's radiance that their beauty and most women would also tell you that. 2/ I found the following statement very dangerous: "Although it is a far cry from being sweetly ravished and overwhelmed by love in the ultimate embrace of perfect Intimate Communion with a partner, it is still a form of surrendering to another in the hope of fulfilment, just as is raising a family, opening sexually with Her lover, or giving Her time and energy to a social cause. In each case, She hopes to he filled with love by surrendering Her sense of self to something else. In the case of a woman in a Dependence Relationship like Charlene, this "something else" is often the control or aggression of her man-receiving his angry attention fills her more than receiving no attention at all". (Locs 2541-2544).The statement forgets that many women cannot leave an abusive relationship because they don't have economic independence, or a safe place where to escape, or they psyche is so damaged that they cannot counteract. It somewhat blames the female energy for the abuse.> Deida's advice on healing and overcoming old patterns of behavior in relationships might be contradicted by Jungian psychoanalysis, which tells you that this can be rarely achieved even you have the luxury of doing therapy; you can become conscious of your patterns of behaviors, ghosts and shadow issues, but overcome them, they say, rarely. You learn to live with them. Of course, solution-oriented therapy says that this is possible. So, who knows?!> There is a chapter about embracing the taboo, but Deida never explains what he exactly means by taboo nor digs on it. I would have loved a bit of a more open discussion this.> The book is very repetitive at times, with the same sentence repeated sometimes in contiguous paragraphs. That's the editor's fault.TYPO"Two Masculines do not a polarity make." (Loc., 2039).KINDLE RENDITIONThe conversion of the book into digital format shows a separation of the two parts of an h quite frequently, as well as some of the letters of a word. For the rest, no problem wit the formatting.

This book really helps those who struggle to be operate in their true nature, whether that be feminine or masculine. It helps those understand the differences and life purposes that come with being masculine or feminine. Great read for those learning to be more themselves

The ideas in this book are as basic as they are ground-breaking. Reading it, I had so many past situations flash before my eyes and explode in complete understanding. If I had only known! How obvious! The book is not one that will teach us to "communicate" or "manage conflicts". It enlightens you on the underpinnings of our masculine and feminine natures and you understand why things are happening. While there is no road map to solving problems, if you understand why, you are 90% there. It amazes me how many of my past relationships and skirmishes fit so easily into the context of masculine/feminine. I understand myself better and that leads to acceptance. I understand HER better and that leads to acceptance and some pretty simple ways to repair. I wish every child learned these concepts. How much happier we'd all be. How much less confused by the opposite sex. How much more appreciative of the opposite sex.Consider also reading "Getting To I Do" by Pat Allen. Hers is a more concrete "how to" book, but it addresses most of the same issues and in a much different way. It will round out the theories.

I have read this book, highlighted this book and reread it. I have loaned it to friends and refer to it. I think that the simplicity yet unconventional way of thinking about it is wonderful. So many books have been written on men and womens relationships and tend to follow the same kind of line. This book actually points out the different male and female essences we have within us and how to work with them. It points out why we react to certain things, why we are interested in certain people and why we have conflict someitmes. I work in a male dominate environment, the men attracted to me are trypically weaker and I am not interested. This book helped me realize that this is the case becasue at work I have my male essence dominate, but when I leave my female side takes over and wants a strong man. A man who is there for me. This book helped me see how others view me and why others react the way they do. I really have grown from this book in embracing different parts of me and accepting them. I recommend this completely.

...plain and simple. David's magnetism as a person and a writer seeps through every single page of this book. He does an excellent job of describing the masculine and feminine essence's of people and gives great practical steps on how to cultivate your own native sexual essence, which translates into living a more authentic, fulfilling life. This book is literally a GODSEND to those who read it, and APPLY it. It's absolutely filled with wisdom, and it is extremely hard to put down once you get going. This book really teaches you how to LOVE yourself and others fully, which is a natural human ability that has been thwarted in our society unfortunately.I am now going to buy it for many close friends because I think it's just that important of a book for people to read. This books ability to enhance your life sexually, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and socially can only be really understood through reading it and taking time to slowly digest it's magnificence. If you buy this book, read and apply it to your life, you will undoubtedly revolutionize your life in countless ways, forever. Namaste :)

I just got the book. I will read it.

I've read several of David Deida's books, the description of relationship levels, polarity and the importance of maintaining a sexual energy in the relationship is recognisable. David gives clear pointers what you can do to maintain or develop polarity. I also recommend watching his workshop on YouTube filmed in Australia, it shows his work with a group. Eye opening and fun. Before starting a relationship I'd read this to check what you really want from it. If you are in one, read it together. It may either improve your relationship, or show things for what they really are. Better to know than to waste time.

...then this is a great practical book. I had many enlightened Oh yes! Oh my God,this is so true - moments!Find out why you are acting and attracting the people you do... and how the dynamic changes throughout a relationshipdepending on which force (feminine/masculine) is exerted. I love this book. Much insight gained. Thanks!

excellent book, very useful, if a tad repetitive: i did like more his "the way of the superior man"

This book has given me so much food for thought. I highly recommend it.

I read it because a friend recommended it to me and it is a must-read book for people who are in a relationship but also for those who are single. It is well written and it shows another point of view about relationships and life.